Some days, I want someone to be close with — both physically and emotionally.
Some days, I think it would be nice to feel comfortable enough to let someone in.
Most days, I tell myself I don’t need that because it will be messy.
Maybe that’s because Most days, I am terrified of even thinking about letting someone touch me in any way other than a friendly way.
Most days, I would rather die than think about intimacy.
Most days, I am thankful that I am “unattractive” because I do not want to “attract” unwanted attention.
Even though Most days, the above statement is ridiculous, because I was sexually objectified when I was a child, when I was in no way “attractive” and the attention was definitely unwanted and confusing.
Most days, if I use such a justification, I can step out into the real world,
and Most days, I can be unafraid and happy.
One day, I will not feel guilt or shame or self-hatred.
One day, I will be comfortable enough with myself so that I can love someone as more than just a friend or a family member.
One day, I will be not be scared of life.
But Most days, I am working on it.
Most days, I am strong enough to go on.
Most days, I am learning how to not hate myself for something that was not my fault.
Most days, I am learning how to love myself.