“Sweet Nothing” — the seemingly innocuous name of my first porno. I learned a lot from porn. I learned how sex was good when the lighting was low, the music chill and the women in heat. I remember the determined look on the man’s face as he slammed relentlessly into the squirming blonde, driving her wild with passion. I learned that female desire was triggerable…and that underneath the veneer of propriety, most chicks are wanton whores just itching to be pounded. I was seven years old.

As I grew into my sexuality, porn continued to teach me many things. I learned about BigSaussagePizza, Brazzers, Naughty America, Humiliated and Disgraced18. I learned that girls don’t really want guys to respect them. I learned that girls cum almost instantly and with no effort at all. I learned how hot the words “bitch” and “cunt” were and how girls loved to be verbally abused. I learned that girls like to be tied up. Dominated. Choked.  Slapped. Spat on… Attacked. I learned that girls will orgasm over and over and still come back for more. I learned that vaginas were bottomless pits that could take a licking and keep on ticking. I taught a few of my friends these lessons too.

When I became sexually active, I learned even more. I learned that I didn’t have time for communication when I was getting my nut. I learned that I couldn’t keep it up…or cum without thinking of double D’s, shaved pussy and pink assholes. I learned that I was too good for a  “regular” girl. I learned a lot from porn. As I become older and more sexually aware and it becomes more and more hardcore, I’m sure that porn will teach me even more.

But it’s the things that porn won’t teach me that I’m worried about. Porn won’t teach me how to  communicate with my girlfriend — to tell her what I want, and to even care about, much less ask, what she wants. Porn won’t teach me to value and respect women as autonomous sexual beings deserving of respect. Porn won’t teach me to respect myself — to believe that I am capable of enjoying a functional sexuality where I am more than an aggressive,  sex-crazed, hedonistic animal.

At first, I thought porn was harmless — it was fun and exhilarating. But then, I got sucked in. Now, no matter how hard I try, I can’t appreciate regular girls sexually. I can’t appreciate my girlfriend.

I learned a lot from porn. Can I undo those lessons?